Growing Through What I Went/Am Going Through

Trusting the Process

Over the weekend, as I took some much needed time off to enjoy my family, I also took time to reflect on my life, the processes, and the outcomes. I realize that nearly everything meaningful has required a process.

Growing up, I witnessed and experienced things that no child should have to endure. Violence in the home, emotional wounds, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, and instability shaped much of my early understanding of life. For many years, survival became my focus. Later, as a young single mother, survival was my only option!

I wasn't thinking about degrees, careers, or long-term goals. I was thinking about how I was going to provide for my baby girls, how to continue to move forward, and how to make it through another day, literally! My grocery stores were WIC and the Dollar Store because that was all I could afford. Safeway, Target and all the other brands were simply way out of my budget.

Looking back now, I can see that those difficult seasons were part of a process that was shaping me into the woman I am today.

Education was a process.........

But let me give you a little insight on how my education process began;)

In 2012, now a married woman, my husband and I found a small apartment in Daly City, CA. After a few months living there I met our neighbors, Rosa and Hermes and their two wonderful children, Lina and Giuliano. Rosa, a mother, a full-time employee, and a college student. I remember watching Rosa during the week rush home in the evenings and rush right back out, she would be gone for a few hours and then I'd hear her walk up the stairs of our complex late at night. One day as we conversated I asked her if she worked nights, she responded " oh no, I work in the day and go to college at night". I was impressed! I couldn't beleive this woman was a wife, a mother, had a full time job, and was pursing a career!

Rosa inspired me, and witnessing her ability to manage all the roles she had was my motivation to go back to school and pursue a degree.

And this is my beautiful friend Rosa!

It did take me eight years to earn my Bachelor's degree in Psychology. Did you read that???Eight years!!! In a world that often celebrates the traditional path, mine was anything but traditional. There were seasons of parenting, working, financial challenges, setbacks, and moments when quitting seemed easier than pushing through.

But the process taught me patience.

It taught me resilience.

It taught me perseverance.

Most importantly, it taught me to trust God's timing instead of comparing my journey to someone else's.

In psychology, resilience is often described as the ability to adapt and continue functioning despite adversity. Contrary to popular belief, resilient people are not individuals who never struggle. They are people who learn how to navigate challenges, adjust to change, and continue moving forward despite difficulties.

Growth Never Happens Overnight

My marriage has been/is a process.

Motherhood has been/ is a process.

Friendships have been/are a process.

Forgiveness has been/is a process.

My faith has been/is a process.

Every area of my life that holds value today require time, growth, mistakes, learning, and grace.

Our perspective about process has tremendous power!

If we view the process as punishment or failure, then every challenge will feel unbearable.

If we view the process as preparation with an optimistic lense, then every challenge becomes and opportunity for growth. As the pioneer of "growth mindset" Carol Dweck puts it, "A growth mindset is the belief that we can continue learning, growing, and developing through challenges, setbacks, and life experiences".

A biblical illustration, and frankly one of my favorites, is the refining of gold. Gold does not become pure without heat. The fire is not meant to destroy it; the fire removes what does not belong so that something more valuable can emerge! (Zachariah 13:9)

Process can be uncomfortable, painful, and sometimes longer than expected. But something in us is being produced through the process.

Recently, I have found myself navigating new processes withing my family. One of my daughters became pregnant before marriage (My worry, "Oh no, my story repeats"). Another chose a different path than I had envisioned for her and moved out to begin building her own life (My worry, "Oh no, my story repeats").

As mothers, we often imagine how our children's stories will unfold. Sometimes reality looks different than our expectations.

Learning to release control is a process.

Becoming a mother-in-law has been a process.

Loving through changing family dynamics has been a process.

Has it always been easy? Heck NO!!!

Has it always worked out the way I planned it? Heck NO!!

But... it has been rewarding.

I have been blessed to to watch my daughters grow into young women. I have watched them make decisions, learn lessons, and begin to build lives of their own. Through it all, I have learned something beautiful: love remains constant even when the journey looks different than we imagined.

Isn't that what God does for us?

He loves us through the process. He loves us when we make wise and poor decisions, when we move forward and when we stumble. His love remains steady as he shapes us.

What if we extended that same grace to ourselves and to others?

What if instead of resisting every difficult season, we embraced it as an oppurtunity to grow?

Finding Meaning in the Process

Today, I want to encourage anyone who feels stuck in a process.

Keep going!!

If you feel like nothing is changing, rememeber that growth often happens beneath the surface before it becomes visible. The process may not be comfortable, but it is often necessary.

Because process is movement, growth, and that God is still working in us.

Sometimes, the very thing we are trying to rush through, becomes the place where we gain the wisdom, strength, character, and faith that will carry us into the next chapter of our lives.

Trust the process.

Trust God's timing.

Trust that what He is building in you is worth the wait.

The older I get, the more I realize that life is not about arriving, it's about becoming. Every season, every setback, every victory, and every lesson has been part of God's process in my life. Looking back, I wouldn't choose any of the hardships I endured, but I can now see how God used them to shape my character, strengthen my faith, and prepare me for the woman I am still becoming. The process may not always be easy, but it is always meaningful when God is in it.

Romans 5:3-4"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation."